Begin Again

Every painting I start looks a little wild in the beginning—layers of color, marks that don’t make sense yet, and a whole lot of chaos. Honestly, it can feel a little uncomfortable at first, because I never really know where it’s going. But that’s the thing: the chaos is part of it.

I’ll admit, I’ve ruined paintings by pushing too hard—working past the point where I should have stepped back. Sometimes I’ve even tossed them out because I ignored the skill of letting them rest. And yes, stepping away is a skill. It’s not easy to pause when everything in us has been trained to “push through” until it’s done.

But here’s what painting has taught me: pushing through doesn’t always make something better. In fact, it can smother the spark that made it special in the first place. The same goes for life. We live in a world that praises hustle and overworking, but sometimes the best thing we can do is stop. Take a break. Give it space.

Jumping into art in midlife has been its own kind of messy middle. I didn’t arrive here with a perfect plan or a clear roadmap—I simply decided to start. And like those first chaotic brushstrokes, there was uncertainty, doubt, and a lot of learning along the way. But here’s the thing: midlife is the perfect time for messy beginnings. We’ve lived enough to know that perfection is overrated, and brave enough to try anyway. For me, that’s where the joy lives—right in the middle of the chaos.

Some of my favorite pieces still have little bits of that first-layer chaos peeking through. I leave them there on purpose—because I like the reminder that things don’t have to be perfect or polished to hold beauty. Mistakes, messy middles, even do-overs… they’re part of the story.

So when you see those layers in my art, know they’re not “errors.” They’re proof that clarity can come out of chaos—but only if we stop long enough to let it.

And maybe that’s something we can all ask ourselves: where in life can we step back, let the messy middle breathe, and trust that something good is still taking shape?

The Finished Piece: Available as a Fine Art Print